I'm hoping this baby will benefit from the second child hopefully getting a slightly more relaxed mommy concept... but I'm not so sure anymore. It seems my paranoia and anxiety are already transferring from my dear Ben over to this little new little bundle of joy. Last night I was at a movie with some girlfriends when a scene came on in which a mother was holding her newborn soon after giving birth. My girlfriends had mixed reactions from Maggie's "ohhhhh, how sweet, now that makes me want another one" to Jenn's "nope, nothing here, I'm fine with what we have" and Jill's "he's cute, but NO WAY". And I, being the only expecting one, should have been the most sentimental and touched. Instead, I just started to panic because the baby's still spastic new born hands were dangerously close to his face and I just kept willing the mom on the screen to STOP HIM BEFORE HE SCRATCHED ONE OF HIS EYES OUT!
So I think it's back (the crazy neurotic something could happen to my baby at any moment obsession)... not that it ever left really. Sometimes I think I love Ben so much I will burst, in fact I feel that way multiple times every day. But instead of just relishing in the moment and wonderful feelings of motherly love, I start to panic about all the bad things there are out there that could hurt him or worse! And my mind is gifted at turning just about anything into a potential deadly hazard. As we near the age of 3, numerous potential choking hazards are supposed to diminish - which is awesome because Ben has always been a bit of a choker, which just feeds my anxiety more. But now I've learned that in turn we'll be entering prime poisoning and outdoor accidents time! Super.
I am enjoying a little therapy right now though, in the form of a book titled "Waiting For Birdy". The mom in it is pregnant with her second child and is both neurotic and crazy with anxiety over the safety of her unborn baby all while trying to calm her fears that she's somehow cheating on her sweet, sweet almost 3 year old "Ben" just by having another baby in the first place. Talk about relating to the author! I'm excited it's nap time just so I can get back to reading and bonding with this soul sister, who's son Ben also eerily resembles my Ben. I think I'll buy a copy just so I can go through it with a highlighter and use it for my own journal about this next big leap of motherhood.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Baby Anxiety
Posted by Marc, Jaimee, Ben and Liam at 12:41 PM
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5 comments:
Jamiee - well I think it's only normal to have those anxieties but honestly when #2 comes you'll be so busy between the two that you'll forget to be so crazy :). Though I totally agree - you never really stop worrying about your kids. Just think once #2 makes his arrival you'll be a PRO and be ready for baby #3 ;).
Kristen Collins
What movie did you see? Was it good?
~K~
Good post!! I loooooove Catherine Newman. She has a blog too, and also writes for Wondertime magazine. (She's the author of the book Jaimee references here.)
I agree. When your new little bundle arrives you will be trying to just make sure everyone is fed and some of your fears will calm down. But I have found (I am also a neurotic mother) that I always have something to worry about with one of them and then I worry about that and then feel guilty that the other one is getting cheated of my attention because I'm worried about the first! Luckily Chris balances me out. If you have that balance you will survive. :) Mommyhood is so hard.
Just saw this website and thought you might like to look at it - http://www.accessaltus.blogspot.com. And I think feeling anxious is pretty normal...no matter how many children you have.
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